This highly scientific list was determined using a complex algorithm involving: foxy looks, charming personalities, and determining how good these funny men and women would be at making out.
Thanks for all the good times, SNL cast cuties.
50. Chris Parnell (1998–2001, 2002–2006)
Parnell holds the dubious honor of being the only SNL cast member to be fired by Lorne Michaels twice – he was “laid off” in 2001 due to budget cuts but re-hired halfway through the following season, and then he was again let go due to budget cuts in 2006. And yet! That same quality that got Chris fired twice is exactly what would make him an awesome A+ boyfriend for some loud-ass girl who wants to be the center of attention. Who wants a dude whose going to steal the spotlight all the time? No one, that’s who. Chris is your ideal match if you’re seeking a guy who will love you a lot, make you laugh, and never expect much of anything in return. Sold.
49. Molly Shannon (1995-2001)
Molls was never really a sex kitten per se, but when she put on her Mary Katherine Gallagher persona everything changed. That schoolgirl uniform? Those white cotton underwears? Those knee socks? The thick-framed glasses?! It’s a classic recipe for nerdy jailbait. All jokes aside, how many gals have done the MKG look for Halloween so they can secretly wear a sexy costume without getting shit for it? Lots, that’s how many.
48. John Belushi (1975-1979)
The legendary Belushi (RIP) may not be a heartthrob by traditional standards, but this is precisely the dude one might roll their eyes at around 6pm and find themselves agreeing to marry by midnight. Don’t underestimate the samurai.
47. Gail Matthius (1980-1981)
Gail Matthius had the unfortunate luck of being cast on SNL during its low point in 1981, after producer Lorne Michaels resigned – taking most of the writing staff with him. Gail managed to make the best of her season playing Vicki the valley girl and co-hosting Weekend Update. About Vicki? Totally adorable. Gail is no valley girl IRL, but she probably still tastes like cherry chapstick and bubblegum.
46. David Spade (1990-1996)
Spade would probably annoy the hell out of you the first time you met, then he would keep you up nights thinking about him all the time. In other words: every girl’s type. Before you knew it he’ll have squirmed his way into your heart and you’ll spend all of your nights making out and playing with his hair and straightening his ties. There’s a reason this little man has a child with Playboy‘s Jillian Grace, ok? Buh-bye!
45. Jenny Slate (2009-2010)
Slate joined SNL in 2009 and immediately dropped an f-bomb in her debut sketch, “Biker Chick Chat.” Dropping the dirty language on network television may have lost Jenny fans among the SNL producers, but she solidified her place in the heart of dirty-language-lovers worldwide. Among us, Jenny can drop as many f-bombs as she wants with us, if-you-know-what-I-mean.
44. Chris Kattan (1996-2003)
REAL TALK: Kattan’s dad is named Kip Kong and was on Reno 911! and his mom posed for Playboy. The man was born to be a mouth-watering combo-deal of sexiness and ludicrous hilarity. Have you SEEN Doug Butabi? I don’t want to know the people who wouldn’t spend a night at the Roxbury with this ridiculous man.
43. Janeane Garofalo (1994-1995)
The recent revelation that Janeane Garofalo identifies as asexual and has a celibate relationship with her boyfriend has had zero bearing on her standing as the goddess of dream ’90s girlfriends, a gal who would be the perfect partner for all of the pot-smoking, whiskey-drinking, laugh-so-hard-your-tummy-hurts nights in you always imagined adult relationships would be full of.
42. Cheri Oteri (1995-2000)
A member of the famous Groundlings comedy troupe that is a breeding ground for SNL talent (including Ferrell, Rudolph, Wiig, Jon Lovitz, Phil Hartman, and many more), Oteri was cast unexpectedly at Chris Kattan’s audition – ostensibly because she is super hilarious but maybe also because she is a super-qt. Cheri is a tiny firecracker with enough energy to power anyone’s motor – and who doesn’t love a cheerleader? Soulless assholes, that’s who.
41. Chris Rock (1990-1993)
Sometimes all it takes is a dirty joke or 800000 to get it started and then the next thing you know you’re thinking a lot about Chris Rock in that way. It certainly doesn’t hurt that he might actually be the funniest person on this entire list on one of his good nights.
40. Dana Carvey (1986-1993)
You may not have ever thought of Dana as a hunk when he was dressed up in his Church Chat getup, but the man is actually totally adorable. Truth bomb: Garth was 100x the more bangable of the Wayne’s World duo. If you went out on a date with Dana he’d be all shy at first, and then before you knew it he’d be all hands-in-pantsy and love you forever.
39. Mary Gross (1981-1985)
Mary Gross had a super casual tomboy charm going for her, signaling that she’s down for ANYTHING, up to / including: putting up with your friends, driving over the speed limit, roller coasters, going on super silly dates, and acting out that secret fantasy you’ve never told anyone about. Yeah, that one.
38. Rob Riggle (2004-2005)
Rob Riggle is like this guy who your older brother or maybe your dad or your husband (sorry husbands!) is friends with and he’s a total dude bro who talks about football and food and seems to have no interest in anything carnal or, well, interesting, and then one night you drink a case of Coors Light together and the next thing you know mistakes are made. But they felt really great when you were making them. That’s the kind of guy Rob Riggle is.
37. Gary Kroeger (1982-1985)
Kroeger’s most famous sketch was one where he and Julia Louis-Dreyfus played Danny and Marie Osmond and end up totally mugging down. Dare you call it hot? Don’t worry, you’re not the only one. Gary can get it anytime.
36. Joan Cusack (1985-1986)
Joan Cusack, sister to John, is one of an elite group of SNLers who is much more famous for lots of things she did after SNL than she is for her time on the show. But Joanie was obviously funny and charming as hell, not to even delve into the details of the intoxicating shapes she makes with her tiny weird mouth.
35. Dan Aykroyd (1975-1979)
Aykroyd was SNL‘s youngest cast-member for its first four seasons and the intensity he brought to the show is probably unmatched ever since. Just imagine that wild and crazy focus being directed towards your romantic pleasure. AS IF you haven’t already imagined that before.
34. Will Ferrell (1995-2002)
Yo, Will Ferrell is six foot three inches tall, his face manages to emanate both masculinity and loving kindness, and he is one of the funniest men who has ever walked the earth / Saturday night. He is now a legitimate leading man of sorts, so you don’t have to be embarrassed to admit that you would have let his Robert Goulet serenade your pants right off.
33. Anthony Michael Hall (1985-1986)
Hall joined the cast of Saturday Night Live during its 1985–86 season, after his success in Hughes teen classics The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles. He was 17 when he was cast – making him the youngest SNL castmember ever to this day – so I’m going to be really careful here, but let’s just say that if you were a young person watching this show with your parents, that adorable smirk was the stuff of post-bedtime dreams come true.
32. Abby Elliott (2008-2012)
The mind acrobatics that it requires to contemplate the fact that this woman is the daughter of Chris “Cabin Boy” Elliott will give you a migraine. This is the woman that stole Fred Armisen from Peggy Olsen, so she must not be discounted. A girl next door for the ages.
31. Charles Rocket (1980-1981)
Rocket was cast for the disastrous ’80-’81 season, pegged as a cross between Bill Murray and Chevy Chase. Lofty goals! Rocket ended up getting fired after dropping an f-bomb on live TV (sound familiar?), but he was a tall, dark, and handsome drink of water while he lasted.
30. Nasim Pedrad (2009-present)
It was recently revealed that Nasim is going to star in her own Lorne Michaels produced comedy pilot following a “group of young people and their hijinks,” written by former SNL writer John Mulaney – the man who co-created Stefon along with Bill Hader. ANYWAY… the reason why this is happening, other than her obvious comedic chops, is that Nasim is underrated and is as flaming hot as hell itself.
29. Taran Killam (2010-present)
Never forget: Killam made his debut on Amanda Bynes’ The Amanda Show in which he was an adorable high school student, and then he grew up to be an adorable adult. He’s also a comedic revelation on Saturday Night Live every time he gets a chance to appear. Most importantly, there’s this video of him performing Robyn’s “Call Your Girlfriend” in the SNL writer’s room and it’s as good as porn for anyone with a personality.
28. Jay Pharoah (2010-present)
Pharoah joined the SNL cast in 2010, bringing his excellent Barack Obama along with him. He’s a great impersonator who does amaaaaaazing voices that sound just like the real thing. So if you’re a warm blooded human and you’ve ever dreamed about getting sweet nothings whispered in your ear by President Obama (or Denzel, or Will Smith, or Jay-Z), I’m sure Jay would be happy to oblige.
27. Ben Stiller (1989)
SNL aired Ben Stiller’s short film The Hustler of Money in 1987, and two years later he was offered a job as a writer and featured performer. He left after four episodes because they wouldn’t allow him to make more short films (oh, if only he had been cast in the Digital Shorts era!). But still, young Ben Stiller’s smokin’ jawline had an indelible impact on the surface of many young hearts.
26. Paul Brittain (2010-2012)
Let’s be frank: Paul Brittain never really contributed much to the two seasons of SNL he was on. Contributed comedy, that is. GOOD LOOKS and MAD CHARM on the other hand? He sprayed that stuff all over the SNL stage like a fire hose.
25. Finesse Mitchell (2003-2006)
HIS NAME IS FINESSE. Enough said.
24. Andy Samberg (2005-2012)
Andy Samberg, the MVP of late-aughts SNL, is also just the kind of boy you want to take home to your mother, who he will then seduce and end up sleeping with behind your back. DAMN YOU ANDY SAMBERG!
23. Vanessa Bayer (2010-present)
Vanessa would definitely let you call her Nessa and she’d laugh at your jokes even though hers are all much funnier. Cutest girl currently on SNL, easy.
22. Gilda Radner (1975-1980)
Gilda was the best of the best on the og SNL cast, a woman who would come to represent everything good and funny and original about the variety show’s special brand of comedy. She dated Bill Murray, she managed to be bitingly witty without seeming annoyingly bitter, and had a perfect face that no one would ever forget. She might end up hurting you when she falls in love with Gene Wilder at first sight and ends your marriage, but hell, it would all be worth it.
21. Jason Sudeikis (2005-present)
Imminently crushable, and yet probably secretly a total mack daddy who would inevitably leave you for someone younger and January Jonesier, and YET you just can’t help but make out with him again a few years later when he comes crawling back all helpless and sorry and handsome. Ugh, Jason Sudeikis, why?!
20. Maya Rudolph (2000-2007)
This woman is so fucking pretty. You wouldn’t want to denigrate her by hitting on her – maybe you could just propose the moment you first meet? And then you’d get to live together and make each other cookies and pies and casseroles and listen to records and basically just live the perfect life together forever. Oh Maya.
19. Kristen Wiig (2005-2012)
Maya’s bridesmaid Kristen Wiig, on the other hand, is someone who you’re going to hit on immediately and never stop hitting on for the rest of your life. Remember when she shook those weights? Yeah, me too. ME TOO.
18. Will Forte (2002-2010)
Question: is it possible to look at Will Forte and not wish you were kissing him?
17. Eddie Murphy (1980-1984)
One of the most famous and successful former SNL cast members ever, Murphy was a highlight of a weird time in the show’s history and also a highlight of weird fantasies one may or may have had about de-cardiganing “Mr. Robinson” in a heated moment. Seriously though, even though he later went on to do some terrible (The Adventures of Pluto Nash, really?) Murphy was both the most hilarious man alive and a smokin’ eligible bachelor during his tenure on Saturday Night Live.
16. Amy Poehler (2001-2008)
It’s a little difficult to talk about wanting to make out with Amy Poehler because so many of us look up to her, and it’s sort of like wanting to make out with your professor or your friend’s cool older sister or… actually, now that I think about it, all of this is totally hot. Imagine if someone you truly respect and admire who also just happens to be one of the most beautiful women on the planet was in front of your face? Your heart would probably explode. I hope none of us are ever in front of Amy Poehler and no one’s heart ever explodes.
15. Damon Wayans (1985-1986)
Damon got fired from SNL for going off script. Obviously the 1985 season wasn’t a “ridiculously handsome” contest. In that contest, he stayed on the show forever and ever, collecting handsomeness trophies and scoring digits.
14. Christine Ebersole (1981–1982)
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