Its so hard to find a decent guy. And, I dunno. Dating apps make me feel desperate.
My best girlfriend from college and I were sitting on a rooftop somewhere in Brooklyn, pondering our worst dating disasters.
Me too, I said. She and I have gone on a dating app date or two in our day, but the dates didnt amount to anything. And when they didnt, we deleted them from our phones and decided we werent going to use them ever again.
To this day, I stand behind my wildest fantasy of meeting someone in my cozy neighborhood bookstore or the seedy corner bodega I hit up for my favorite ice cream.
I commend my friends who use dating apps. Their ability to sit, swipe, start a conversation and follow up on the conversation just confirms theyre practical. Yes, they factor emotion and intuition into how they choose their partners, but they dont let pure emotionguidetheir decision, the wayhopeless romantics do.
People who use apps in places besidesthe toilet swipe with meaning. Theyre determined and patient. When they swipe, theyre willing to give people a chance. And when they actuallydogive that person a chance, they listen intently, not half-assedly.
More important than anything, though, they navigate the dating process with practicality. They dont follow the impulses of their heart, or a momentary wandering eye. They understand lust is simplylust.
They know that, while a relationship has lust, it isbuilt on a foundation of hard work.
Some of us non-app users tend to get swept up in the thrill of romance born in bars the kind that, sometimes, diejust as quickly as theybegin. Trust me;I would know.
See, there are a ton of things I like about myself. Im smart, creative, passionate about what I do and super fun to be around. My friends keep telling me to get on apps and actually use them you know, to find a real man, for once but I refuse because Im stubborn, which leads me nicely to my next point.
There arealso a ton of things Idont like about myself. On top of being stubborn, Im lazy and unorganized, unpunctual and areckless spender.Im also impatient and intolerant; Id rather sit in bed doing nothing for an hour than devote that hour to getting to know a guy I met on Tinder.
Im unrealistic and afraid to fall in love.I refuse to commit to a man who doesnt look, act, talk and seem like the guy Ive imagined in my head.
And I fall for the guy I met in the bar, only to later realize his intentions werenever good to begin with.
Ive concluded Im an awesome person in general, but unlike app users, Im a horrible prospective relationship partner. Its made me realizebeing a catch doesnt necessarily mean you deserve someone wonderful.And that was a big revelation for me.
See, for the past few years, Ive operated under the assumption that Im this great person whodeserves a relationship with a guy whos got his shit together. The first half of that assumption is correct. The second part isnt.
Why should a girl who doesnt have her shit together feel entitled to someone who does? She isnt organized enough to coordinate a date on a dating app, yet she complains about notbeing in a relationship.
Non-app users want love just like app-users do, but wereless proactive about it. And if my single friends and I are any indication, we may be less proactive because were less willing to compromise, especially on things where compromise might be necessary for a successful relationship.
But maybe it isnt that people who use dating apps are desperate, like my friend thinks. Maybe its that single people who dont use dating apps dontreallywant to be in a relationship.
Im not saying Im going to bite the bullet and begin usingdating apps. All Im saying is, I have a better understanding of the kind of people fit forthem, of the kind of people who may be unfit for them, and the stamina it takes to maintain relationships.
So there you have it. I guess I should stop complainingabout not being in a relationship.Because how can you be in a relationship when youre so unwilling to compromise that you cant even set aside 30seconds of your day to respond to someone you hit it off with on a dating app?
Yeah. You cant.
Originally found athttp://www.elitedaily.com
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